Life Pg.3

Mom had talked and talked about selling her home as it is way too much for her to care for by herself. She also is on a fixed income that barely pays her bills. She is afraid alone at night and stays up watching TV because she thinks she hears things outside. So, with my own personal situation, I suggested we move in together. For two months following Dad’s passing, she stayed at my apartment at night anyway. She was so confused, that one day moving in together was a great idea the next day, nope she didn’t want to live with any of her kids or have them live with her. It was a real roller-coaster. A lot of this was due to her talking daily on the phone with the other siblings.

The day finally came that I could not take it any longer. I have been on anti-depressants for over 3 years now. I told her if she wanted to be “independent” then it was time to go home and live her life as she saw fit. Spending nights with me because she was afraid of the dark, having me put gas in her car because she didn’t know how, me running her to the doctor because she couldn’t remember what he said, having me come over to fix things at the house or fixing the screw-ups my sibling had made with her Social security and V.A. benefits etc., etc., had to stop.  She went home and I felt like the guilty party!

About a month later, I still had not found a job and rent was coming due.

The time finally came that I went over to Mom’s and asked if I could move in with her until I could find a job and start collecting my Social Security. Now, let it be known, I have a 3 lb yorkie. She is 3 years old, completely housebroke and the sweetest little thing in the world. Mom is not into animals but does like my dog, however, after a couple of hours she told me she didn’t think it would “work out” with me moving in with her. She said she didn’t want the dog in her guest bed. I told her I understood that and I would put her mattresses in my storage unit and use my own… She still said no..then I realized while I was running yet another errand for her, she had been on the phone to the siblings.  I was so hurt and humiliated, I just left. Now, keep in mind, her “excuse” was she didn’t want to live with her kids and she didn’t want her kids living with her. About a week later, she called to tell me one of my brothers was moving back into town and going to be staying with her for a couple of weeks. This brother is a useless recovering drug addict living off of a military retirement, military health insurance and Social Security. He gets from our government 3 times what Mom makes in a month. Problem is he is always broke because of his gambling habit. He had already milked her out of several thousand dollars of her savings account and a car (that he was going to payback..yeah, right). He moved in with her 6 months ago and is still there.” Mummie” takes care of the house, cooking and cleaning and he gives her a whopping $500.00 a month! Am I pissed, damn right!

I was dumb founded and felt like a butchers knife had entered my heart! Thank God, once again, my best friend was there for me. I not only owe her a ton of money but I owe her what little sanity I have left.

O.K. Back to dumb mistakes. I was lonely. I signed up for match.com and started meeting various men. Some were nice, some were too young, some were just plain creeps! But all were a diversion to my everyday life for an evening out or just a lunch date. Finally I met a guy that seemed genuinely real. After a few months of dating, he convinced me to move into a house with him. He owned a home (or so I was told) but would rent it out because it was his late wife’s house and could understand my not wanting to move in there. He told me not to worry, as he made enough with his retirement, Social Security and part-time job to take care of both of us. Yeah, right…I did it again! God, I’m such a push over! But my back was up against a wall so I thought, why not? I couldn’t pay my rent, Mom wouldn’t let me move in with her, I couldn’t find a job and this guy was really nice, sincere, and honest.  Oops, wrong!

Will I ever learn? I hope so this time. Again, all the right things were said and done. We seemed to be pretty compatible in a lot of areas. While dating, all was great. As time passed, he asked me to find a place to rent and move in together. Looking back, I guess, I felt I had no other options. Again, BIG MISTAKE! Once we moved in together everything changed. We didn’t go anywhere or do anything. I took care of the home and he would work 6 to 8 hours, 4 days a week, come home flop down and watch T.V. Slowly I learned all he had told me prior to moving in together was a lie. His home was going into foreclosure, he was severely in credit card debt and on his way to bankruptcy. His bills were piling up and he was more concerned about when and how much Social Security I was going to be eligible for in January! As of last Monday, he moved out. Thank God I am not responsible for the 1 year lease he signed. But, here I am back to packing and not knowing where I’m going to go or how. I am still looking for a job but it is very hard for a lot of us, as we all know. For me, it is harder for 3 reasons. First, I am almost 60 and even though employers cannot discriminate on age we all know they do. Second, I am hearing impaired, so getting a job that requires answering phone calls is impossible and third, I have been out of the workforce for so long it doesn’t look good on a resume with all the competition out there right now.

I am now packing, again, and have to move in two weeks. I have no idea where I’m going or how.

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